That is so big! I'm not talking about the record breaking hail, I mean that bunion! Send that girl on extreme makeover or something.

I took this picture while in San Francisco some time back. Scott and I were out visiting Charlie. I asked the people about their bullie, and they said that had just "rescued" her.

Cracka Pleez

PEEING IN THE SHOWER

Is that dirty? I mean, is that like x-rated? Because, I didn't know that was like, sexual. I pee in the shower every morning. I never thought of it as sexual. Who made it sexual? Men? Of course. Men did.

Well, I just titled this blog because I figured that when you pee in the shower, you save time and money. Plus, it is sort of a freedom thing. I know that guys can just stand and pee whenever or wherever the hell they want. But, us chicks have to freaking scout out toilets for a simple tinkle. So, maybe the blog is sort of like a "stream" of freedom, if you will.

So, I ask you, the 2 readers out there, should I rename the blog? Is it so uncomfortable? Are you ashamed of my blog? If so, scratch once with your right paw. Sorry, no, really...is a name change needed?

Music Makes the Day Better

Ok, so I don't have a "changer", and I barely even listen to CD's anymore. Why? I'm a Comcast Rhapsody snob. As soon as I get to work, I log into my (Scott's) Rhapsody account and load up some playlists, new albums, or oldies. It is the greatest. Anyway, sorry to go on and on about that music service....Here are my "Albums" in my "playlist" right now as I'm gearing up for the Texas Mardi Gras Concert this weekend:

Gavin DeGraw (Chariot)
Charlie Robison (Unleashed Live)
Loretta Lynn (Van Lear Rose)
Old 97's (several tracks from different albums)
Lost Trailors (Welcome to the Woods)

I Remember When We Had 5 Channels on the TV

Here is a little window into my current scheduled TIVO list...

• Lost
• Third Watch
• Desparate Housewives
• Judge Judy
• Queer Eye for the Straight Guy
• Newlywed's (new Nick and Jessica)
• Dog the Bounty Hunter
• Extreme Home Makeover
• The Bachelorette
• Surreal Life
• Texas Hold 'Em Men vs. Women Tournament
• The Apprentice
• Ok, I'm going to admit I taped Queer Eye for the Straight Girl and Ashley Simpson...but they both pretty much suck. Hey, at least I try new things, right?

Rewind

"One faces the future with one's past...." -Pearl S. Buck

I'm going to "push the rewind button" on this week:

Monday: Ordered 1500 ladybugs and 2000 butterflies for delivery in about 2 weeks at work.

Tuesday: After school, laid in bed and watched about 6 straight Judge Judy episodes on TIVO. Yeah!

Wednesday: Shipped out 100 goldfish, snails, and aquatic plants along with some earthworms. I also went with Lisa to Petsmart where I watched the Chinchilas play and decided that I NEEDED one or two. Then I stayed up at school judging the talent show tryouts for about 5 hours. Whew. Finally, I went home to find Shay's dog had run off, and we had to stay up until about 11:30 searching and putting signs up. I took a Tylenol PM because I figured I'd never get to sleep stressing about Canton the missing dog.

Thursday: Slept until 9 and went into work at 10am. Checked my email and realized that Canton had been found. Hurray! Finally worked out at the gym for the first time this week.

Friday: Notified the poor kids that got cut from the talent show. Went to Happy Hour. Sang Karaoke at my house with some crazy chicks.

Saturday: Got beat at Texas Hold 'Em after watching a bonfire from a muddy venue. Listened to Shay bitch about WBC guys.

Sunday: Used a BEDAZZLER (ok, i assisted Shay) to put shiny bling bling on my custom concert shirt that is camo and says "I Shot the Jukebox."

Bring on February!

Strong Enough For A Woman?

It is time to put it down on my cyber-tablet. I've been very ashamed, but now I must tell all. Please don't hate me....

I'VE BEEN USING SCOTT'S DEODORANT!!!!!!!!!!

I know, I know, that's gross. I totally agree. It smells like shit. How can something that smells good on a guy, smell so gross on me????? Whew! Nisty!

I do want you all to know that this deodorant was an extra one he had. Which is probably because I will randomly pick him up a cool men's deodorant that catches my eye while I'm in stores. Then, inevitably, when I get home from the grocery store with it, he'll say, "Aurora, I already have deodorant." Oh well, I like toiletries. What can I say? So, anyway, it isn't like we are sharing a deodorant stick or anything. Nope, I'm just using it like it was made for me: storing it in my bathroom, applying it as needed. Yeah, I'm just going after that men's solid like it the greatest smell in the world. What is wrong with me?

And, let's understand: I could buy a deodorant for myself. Yep, sure could. But, do I? Nope. Oh, and when Scott went to the store this past weekend, and he asked if there was anything I needed, did I say, "Secret?" NO! Why????

Well, I think it goes deep within the sick person I am. Ok, I'm going to tell you guys something about myself. I am currently living my life in training as if I was going to be stranded without stores, showers, food, etc. Yes, I like to push the limits and see how I can really rough it. For example, I like to eat food cold and out of their cans. And, I try to brave cold weather without putting extra clothes on. These are just a few of my random training exercises. So, I think this deodorant episode is another one of my self-discipline regimes. Just in case I may be stuck in the bush country of Alaska without any deodorant and all I can do is borrow some solid stick from an eskimo. And, then I'll think to myself, hey, this isn't bad. I've done this at home. No problem.

100 Thing About Me

I've seen this on tons of blogs, so I'm going to be a dork and do it too. It seems to be totally narcissistic still, I'm going for it. Lists are theraputic. So, read about me and find out something that you never knew:

1. I was always the tallest kid in my class throughout elementary school.
2. When I talk to short people, I prefer to be sitting.
3. I don't feel the need to finish a book if I think it sucks.
4. I have really straight hair.
5. 2 times in my life I've had a "perm."
6. Perms suck.
7. I think I'm a good singer.
8. My elementary choir teacher told me that I wasn't a good singer.
9. I don't think it important to drink really dark and trendy beers.
10. I prefer to stay up late.
11. I don't watch late night tv.
12. I love vegetables.
13. I don't think farting is a big deal.
14. I think cats are pretty lame.
15. I wish I lived in a place where there were mountains because I would like to climb them.
16. I've never been skiing.
17. I've neever been on a ski lift or to a ski resort.
18. I'm scared of heights.
19. I don't like to watch sports as much as I used to.
20. I like to drive fast.
21. I would like to own a motorcycle.
22. I'm afraid I'd look like a lesbian if I rode a motorcycle, but not afraid enough to keep me from doing it.
23. In college, I fell into a cactus and had to get the little pricks pulled out by a doctor.
24. I always sucked at the President's Physical Challenge when I was a kid in P.E. class.
25. I could whoop somebody's ass in 4 square.
26. P.E. class was my favorite part of elementary school.
27. I never played organized softball.
28. I played organized soccer for 10 years.
29. I have broken one bone in my life...5th metacarpal.
30. When I was a kid, I used to always want to break my arm so that I could have a cast. I would think about jumping off of the roof. I would climb up there from the tree in the backyard, but I never did jump off.
31. I got braces when I was 28 and I felt like a total loser.
32. I am amazed that college was 10 years ago.
33. I made kick ass friends in college.
34. I married the first guy I fell in love with.
35. My grandparents had 8 kids.
36. I think the south is better than the north.
37. I love Justin Timberlake and Nick Lachey.
38. Older men are hot.
39. I would like to travel to all 50 states, but some states seem really boring...like Iowa and Ohio.
40. I was born in El Paso, TX.
41. I live in Dallas, TX which is about 600 miles from where I was born.
42. For 5 years, I lived in Phoenix, AZ which is about 400 miles from where I was born.
43. They say my grandmother was part Cherokee.
44. She was born in Mississippi.
45. Mississippi doesn't have a lot to offer.
46. I'm glad that I didn't live back in the days before electricity and cars.
47. I remember how much I loved to play Atari.
48. I got an Original Nintendo for Christmas when I was 12.
49. I used to sit in 7th grade English class and think about playing Super Mario Brothers when I got home.
50. I hated 7th grade P.E. class.
51. I think women that wear little silky scarves around their neck are stupid.
52. I love leftovers and will eat them even after they've been in the fridge for a week or even two.
53. I don't take baths....I prefer showers.
54. I love fireworks.
55. I am a certified Texas Firefighter/EMT.
56. I remember when I was 5 years old my mom told me that girls could be anything they wanted to be when they grew up.
57. When I was a kid, I never brushed my teeth.
58. I've never smoked a cigarette before.
59. I think that OJ should have gone to Sing Sing.
60. I was a tomboy when I was a kid.
61. I hated being called a tomboy.
62. I always played football with the boys in the neighborhood. I could throw the ball better than most of them.
63. I hated losing.
64. I'm not as competitive as I used to be.
65. I've shoplifted.
66. I didn't get caught.
67. I don't like it when people won't try new foods.
68. There is nothing I won't eat.
69. If I had a bunch of money, I would buy tons of kicks (sporty shoes).
70. Watches are better than purses.
71. Airports are fun. I don't know why people stress out about them.
72. I like to be in control.
73. I can fall asleep anywhere.
74. I hate rats more than anything.
75. I think Judge Judy and Oprah are bad asses.
76. Hugging gives me the creeps.
77. I got in a girl fight once at the park pool. I didn't win.
78. Male volleyball players have the best bodies.
79. I wish I lived in the mountains in a huge cabin surrounded by trees and a river running nearby.
80. I love the ocean.
81. Swimming really far out into the ocean scares me.
82. Dallas doesn't have an ocean or a mountain.
83. I think gay people talk about sex a lot.
84. I think women that drink beer are rad.
85. When I was a kid, we rode skateboards that were really skinny and short.
86. Damn those skateboards were hard to ride.
87. In the 80's, I could skate my ass of at Hot Wheels roller skating rink.
88. The first cassett tapes I ever got came from my aunt dianne: Steve Miller Band and Tears For Fears.
89. I always wanted a Walk Man, but we couldn't afford it, so I had to carry my "jam box" around.
90. I never got the Michael Jackson Thriller cassette.
91. That pissed me off.
92. The first concert I ever went to was Elton John with my mom and her friend.
93. The second concert I ever went to was the Beach Boys with my mom.
94. Going to concerts with your mom is lame.
95. I didn't go to my prom.
96. I don't care.
97. Purple is special, but my favorite color is blue.
98. I never buy anything in red.
99. Regis and Kathy Lee were better than Regis and Kelly.
100. I love being 30.

Is That Wrong?

So, what is the online protocol when you get a "do you remember me?" email from someone that was in your 7th grade science class like, 7 years ago? The reason I am asking is because...

1) I don't remember her.
2) If I don't remember her, I must have not remembered for a reason.
3) I have nothing to talk about with her.
4) It is spooky.

So,
I just wanted to throw that out into blogspace because I'm thinking that I don't want to email her back anymore. Is that ok? Will I crush her self-esteem? Jason told me that he remembers her and that she is not cute and a little bit psycho. So, I'm thinking I should steer clear. Sometimes I want to just wear a sign that says, "I really don't give a shit, I just do this job for the summer's off."

The House I didn't Ask For

To the husband:

I had a dream that I came home and you told me that you bought a house for us. I was shocked of course, since we never talked about moving. But, you had done it all by yourself. So, we drove up so you could show it to me. It was in Plano, the second house on the block off of a major street, like coit. It was an older house, like maybe 25 years old. It sort of had that 70's feel to it: some paneling, some of that 70's interior "rugged rock" look. Kinda brady bunchish?

When I first got there, you were worried that I wouldn't like it. I wasn't sure at first, and I went around saying what stuff would have to get removed. Like, there were all of these random LOW hanging lights. I said ok, those have to go because we are going to hit our heads. Plus, the lights were crappy and rigged up. In general, there were several random things in there, and I was thinking how odd it was that the previous owners had left all of it. I was like, oh well, we'll just get this stuff out and make it snazzy. Oh, and in each room there was always a "waterbug." I was getting irritated about that, each time I had to kill one. But, you said it was because they just moved out and the bugs were just on their way out after having the house treated, etc.

It was a fixer-upper, but I loved it. It had a HUGE living room, game room, dining room that wrapped around the kitchen that looked out over everything and had a bar. I stood in the kitchen and was showing you how I would cook in there and wave to everyone. Haha. I also was amazed at how big it was, and how our furniture would barely cover the living room and dining room. I was already planning how I was going to paint and decorate. Oh, and it had a fireplace in the "den" or game room, whatever.

Then, my mom and rich came over and were giving you a hard time about picking it out by yourself. But, then gwynn was all proud of you and said you did such a good job. And, of course they both started trying to tell us how to do things in there. I asked you if we were going to spend the night there or in our old house, and you were like, uh, we are staying here tonight. So, I was a little stressed about that since we didn't have any of our stuff. But, it was like you were trying to get far away from Gwynn, like since she had a key to our old place, etc. ha.

One interesting part was the downstairs bathroom. It was very plain and white, but it did have this like built in plant area in the floor. It was just gravel though. I said, "Look Scott, we can plant some cactus there for you." And, you were happy about that. Hahhahhha.
The funny part is that I had realized it was a dream while I was still dreaming, so we went out the front door, and I said, "Scott, I woke up and realized this new house was all a dream." And, you assured me that I wasn't dreaming, but that it was all real. I said, "you promise it is real?" And, you said yes. I was excited again, and we turned and looked at the house from the street. I was so impressed. It had a huge porch that wrapped around the entire house. And, our neighbor's houses looked nice and normal. I never got to see the back yard for some reason, but I wanted to.

So, in my dreams, you are a really good house picker-outter.

I thought Jason doesn't like seafood.

Sushi Kicks Ass

Over two years ago, I asked Charlie for a sushi set because I wanted to make it at home. So, being the little trooper, she got me all sorts of japanese tricky stuff. I never could pull the trigger on making it though...until today. I'm not sure why it took MLK day to inspire me, but I freaking got all samurai in the kitchen today. FYI: I don't recommend eating nori (the seaweed wrap) by itself though because it tastes kinda nasty. My dogs didn't mind though; I fed them what was left from my personl seaweed taste test. They thought it was some kind of great treat.

Top Ten Reasons Not to Have Children

10) They doo-doo in their pants
9) They are like a walking blank check, just waiting to be filled in
8) They make you, as a parent, gay
7) No more traveling at will
6) No more happy hours
5) You find yourself uttering the words, "mother's day out"
4) Phrases like, "what are you doing this weekend?", turn into, "I can't wait to just spend time with the kids."
3) Fetal Alcohol Syndrome
2) What used to be for sex is now a baby shooter...sex will now resemble a marble in the alaskan pipeline
1) "Your life will never be the same."

Look closely: Are these spices racist? 

Pugs are so smart. 

The Original Blog

I like to say the word blog. Therefore, I must blog. I wanna be cool. I wanna say, "I have a blog."